Friday, March 07, 2014

The Box Incident: Epilogue

After I posted about my box-recycling trauma yesterday, I got a comment suggesting that I find a box filled with junk, clean out the junk, and then use that box to mail the First Communion dress to my sister. That was brilliant! So I searched the basement for a junk-filled box and found one that was the perfect size. When I opened it, I discovered that all it contained was … another box.

The good news is, I was able to use the outside box to mail the dress. The bad news is, I am unable to throw away the inside box for sentimental and safety reasons. It's the box that WCK's American Girl doll was packaged in when she got it for Christmas a few years ago. WCK's American Girl doll is named Francine, and she is part of our family. Francine has more clothing and possessions than many real children in some parts of the world. Jay and I are a little afraid that Francine is going to come to life in the night and murder us, so I don't want to anger Francine by throwing away her box.
 
"Throw away my box, and I shall keeeel you," says Francine.


In fact, one night last fall, Jay returned home to a dark house, knowing that WCK and I were both away at WCK's swimming lesson. Imagine how scary it was when he turned on the light and discovered someone sitting on the couch:


I've been expecting you, Jay.


After he finished having a heart attack, he realized that it was, in fact, Francine, and he texted me the above photo to show how scary it was. Yeah, that's pretty dang scary.

And so, WCK now has an extra box in her room, because we don't want to anger Francine. It's for the best.



Thursday, March 06, 2014

Cleaning challenge

A couple of days ago, I saw a Facebook post about the 40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge. The goal is to declutter one area of your home every day during the 40 days of Lent. I was intrigued because our house is a teeny bit horribly cluttered. In fact, at the beginning of the year I told Jay my goal for 2014 was to organize the house, and he just laughed.

"I'LL SHOW HIM!" I thought. For about two seconds. And then I proceeded to do zero cleaning. I mean, Donnie Wahlberg has a reality show now, and all those episodes aren't going to watch themselves. I need to focus on my priorities.

But when I learned about this challenge, I thought maybe it could work for me. There is a chart you can download and print, and then you write down what you did each day. I am all about filling out charts and checking things off. This is the only reason I am able to run long-distance races. I cannot bear the thought of not doing what the training plan tells me to do. If a chart tells me to do something, I will do it.

But now I am on Day Two of the challenge, and I know why I never throw anything away.

Yesterday, I tried to throw away some old t-shirts. It did not go well. I will blog about this in a future post, because it is a long and traumatic story. It's a story that requires photos. I still ended up with one trash bag of clothes to take to the Goodwill, so I met the Day One goal and was able to check it off the chart. Whew.

Today I thought I'd tackle all of the empty cardboard boxes I have stashed away in closets and in the laundry room. As I've mentioned before, I am a bit of a box hoarder. "You never know when you are going to need a box," is my motto. I decided to ignore this highly practical motto, found twelve (twelve!) empty boxes, ripped them all apart, stuck them in the recycling bin, and then checked it off the chart. La, la, la!

Two seconds after throwing out all of the boxes, I remembered that I need to mail WCK's First Communion dress to my sister in Illinois, and at least two of the boxes I threw out would have been the perfect size for this. Now I have no boxes. None.

See? SEE? This is why I never throw anything away.

Now my niece is going to be naked on her First Communion, and she will grow up to be a serial killer, and it is all the fault of the 40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge. She will do an interview with the cryogenically frozen head of Barbara Walters via Skype from her prison cell, and she will tell Barbara how she used to be a sweet, cute, wonderful little girl until the day Aunt Karen threw away all of the boxes.

And Barbara Walters' head will judge me.

And WCK will be in the next prison cell over, all because of the time she returned home from school on March 6, 2014 and announced that she needed a shoe box for a diorama project that is 99 percent of her grade, and her mother didn't have one, so she flunked out of the third grade and turned to a life of crime.

Nothing good ever comes from cleaning, but I'm going to continue this life-destroying challenge because the chart won't let me quit. Dang you, chart!

Everything is awesome!

I've been away for a while -- AGAIN -- but I'm back now and happy to say that my M-spike is still completely stable at 1.4. Everything is awesome!

More posts will follow soon, I swear.

This is what I look like when I get my test results.