Monday, August 27, 2012

Bad Romance, Part Two

First of all, THANK THE LORD ABOVE that there are only two of these NKOTB romance novels, because I. Can't. Stop. Reading. Them.

The Boys from The Block and at least a hundred wayward apostrophes are back in book number two: "Second Chances." It picks up right where the first book left off, with BFTB fans Shelby and Kaye engaged to Donnie/Dean and Danny/David. Shelby is excited, but Kaye is depressed. Who can blame her? She's the main character in a New Kids on the Block fantasy romance novel, and she ends up with Danny? That's rough.

Kaye breaks up with Danny/David (whew!) and runs off to Cabo San Lucas, unaware that this is where the "sexy, dream-come-true of a man" Jonathan Knight Joshua Hite lives when he's not on tour with BFTB. Kaye  happens to run into Josh/Jon, who invites her to a party at his private villa, where he reveals shocking news: He's not really gay after all!

OK, I don't care how many bad apostrophes this author uses. I am totally on board with her now.

Kaye and non-gay Josh/Jon fall in love, but they know they can never act on their feelings because it will hurt Danny/David and break up the group. Blah blah blah, Kaye hangs out at Joey McIntyre's Jake McKenzie's opulent Beverly Hills mansion for a while, trying to decide which group member she loves more. Blah blah blah, the women end up at the group's hotel while they're on tour. Kaye and non-gay Josh/Jon realize they can no longer control their feelings for each other and give in to a night of very non-gay frenzied passion. David/Danny discovers what they've done and freaks out and threatens to break up the group. Oh my God, no!!

Blah, blah, blah, a bunch of stuff happens at Josh/Jon's stately New England mansion (mostly non-gay passion, but also some sledding with Jared/Jordan), and then ... big drama! Josh/Jon pushes David/Danny out of the way of a crazy stalker fan with a knife, despite the fact that he (Josh/Jon) was right in the middle of an anxiety attack. (Because we all saw the episode of Oprah where Jon Knight talked about his anxiety disorder, right?) The group is saved! David/Danny forgives Josh/Jon and goes back to his ex-wife!

In the end, Shelby marries Donnie/Dean at Josh/Jon's private villa in Cabo San Lucas. Donnie/Dean wears his Red Sox cap and serenades her with a medley of BFTB hits, and she reveals she is pregnant with his baby, for real this time. And Kaye and non-gay Josh/Jon also live happily ever after!

Wow. I am considering e-mailing the author to find out if she's going to write any more of these. I'm not even being sarcastic. In the meantime, I need to check out something intellectual from the library to cleanse my brain.


Mary said...

I'm enjoying your blogs! I started reading them because my husband was diagnosed with myeloma last August, but I love your writing style. Just one question: have you read the Fifty Shades of Grey series?

Sandy said...

You should definitely be a Book Reviewer for the NYT because your reviews are far more succinct and to the point! Not to mention that you are also a whole lot funnier... thank you for reading this book for me - I should send you some chocolates in payment!