Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Pop culture

My niece (I shall call her Little Red Haired Girl) came to stay with us earlier this summer. LRHG and WCK are only four months apart and they love hanging out together. I was a little nervous about having two kids to take care of, but it turned out to be easier than I thought. I took them to Worlds of Fun, an exhibit about the Titanic, and the science museum. We did crafts. The kids ran through the sprinkler and ate popsicles. Everything was great.

Then on Saturday morning I went my Body Pump class and left Jay in charge. When I returned an hour  later, I found my husband had become a broken shell of a man. He had to go lie down.

Later, when Jay could speak again, he and WCK helped me piece the story together.

LRHG had brought along two of her favorite "toys": Two unopened cans of pop. One was a Squirt; the other was Dr Pepper. She doesn't drink them. She just likes to carry them around unopened. Why? Some things just seem cool when you are six.

Jay decided to go outside and work in the yard, and the kids decided it would be a really good idea to try to put dents in the cans of pop. Why? Again, some things just seem cool when you are six and seven.

How were they going to dent the cans? What a ridiculous question! If you're going to put a dent in a full can of pop, of course you are going to do it by beating it against a concrete goose:

Undated file photo of the innocent victim.

After a few good whacks against the side of the goose, the can of Squirt exploded. The kids became hysterical, and LRHG ran outside to get Uncle Jay, who was working in the yard and didn't have his hearing aids in. He had no idea why LRHG was so hysterical and assumed something catastrophic (well, more catastrophic than a beloved can of Squirt exploding) had happened. I'm guessing, though, that being able to hear the real explanation probably would not have cleared things up.

Jay walked into the house and found puddles of pop all over the entryway, with WCK calmly wiping it up with a paper towel. Of course he asked, "What happened????" and of course WCK answered, "Nothing."

And that's when Uncle Jay had to go lie down.


When my sister returned to pick up LRHG, she decided it would be for the best if the can of Dr Pepper got "lost" at our house and they "accidentally" "forgot" to take it home. Later, after they were gone, WCK discovered the Dr Pepper's hiding place.

"Oh, no!" I said. "LRHG accidentally forgot her Dr Pepper! By accident!"

WCK wanted to see what would happen if we shook up the Dr Pepper and opened it, and I said we could, but out in the driveway this time. We went outside and watched the explosion, and then WCK asked if she could try some. I said she could have one sip, because the thought of my child having large amounts caffeine scares the daylights out of me. WCK took a sip and her eyes lit up. Apparently Dr Pepper is the nectar of the gods!

I said, sorry, no more Dr Pepper, and we poured the rest of the can onto the driveway. I started to go back into the house, turned around, and saw my child licking Dr Pepper off of the driveway.

And that's when I had to go lie down.


Stephen Greene said...

Hilarious! Excellent story... You tie the whole together so neatly with that last sentence.

Thanks for the laughs.

Jessica said...

I almost woke the girls up laughing so hard. Tears are streaming down my face.