Today I'm here to tell you about
Crazy Decision Number Two:
We're planning a trip to Disney World. Now, I know that's not really a crazy decision, although after we got the credit card bill for our prepaid vacation package, Jay and I were all, "Whaaaaaat? We did whaaaaaaaaaat? Were we drunk?"* I specifically instructed Jay not to look directly at the credit card bill, but rather to just get a sense of it and then look away. ** Jay ended up looking at it, though, and he curled up in a ball and temporarily went blind. I think he's going to be OK once we can carry him onto the Star Tours ride. Maybe.
So, yes, millions of people go to Disney World all the time, so this is not really a crazy decision, but it is making me crazy. And, yes, I realize this is a lame problem. I should just go to Disney World and have the time of my life and shut up. I mean, I've been to Disney before, but this time I can't stop buying guide books:
If you've never read a Disney guide book, here's what you need to know: Disney guide books love to tell you -- gleefully -- that if you don't have a detailed plan for touring Disney World, your entire life is ruined and your child will hate you. After extensive reading, I am now convinced -- convinced -- that if we're not on the flying Dumbo ride within two seconds of the Magic Kingdom opening, we will all die.
Suddenly, everyone you know who has been to Disney World within the past few years becomes a goldmine of "tips." Everyone wants to share their tips with you, and everyone is dead serious about their Disney tips. My favorite tip so far came from another first-grade mother I ran into at a birthday party: "If you want to see Rapunzel, you get there before the park opens. As soon as they drop the rope (dramatic pause), you run like a bat outta hell."
Bat outta hell. Check.
When I chaperoned WCK's field trip to the nature center, I spent the bus ride grilling the 7-year-old next to me for more tips. She actually gave me a good one: If it's your birthday month (which it will be for WCK), let them know at the hotel, and then you get a button to wear. Excellent.
Sometimes you get "tips" from people, but you can tell these people did not have a Plan, and therefore their tips are lame. "Oh, we didn't go on Small World because there was a 90-minute wait." And you think back to your guide books and your Plan, and you chuckle to yourself in a superior way. A 90-minute wait for Small World? Not on my watch, sister.
I spent a couple of days having a breakdown because I couldn't figure out a good plan for Disney's Animal Kingdom. Jay says I am in charge of creating the Plan, so he wasn't too interested in hearing about my struggles. I do not want to badmouth my husband, but, my gosh, it's like he just didn't care whether we go to DinoLand first or Kilimanjaro Safari first. What is wrong with him? I know he still has some emotional damage from seeing the credit card bill, but still.
* Again, we were not.
** Yes, that was Jerry Seinfeld's advice to George about how to look at cleavage.