Monday, May 07, 2012

Crazy Part Two!

Today I'm here to tell you about

Crazy Decision Number Two:

We're planning a trip to Disney World. Now, I know that's not really a crazy decision, although after we got the credit card bill for our prepaid vacation package, Jay and I were all, "Whaaaaaat? We did whaaaaaaaaaat? Were we drunk?"* I specifically instructed Jay not to look directly at the credit card bill, but rather to just get a sense of it and then look away. ** Jay ended up looking at it, though, and he curled up in a ball and temporarily went blind. I think he's going to be OK once we can carry him onto the Star Tours ride. Maybe.

So, yes, millions of people go to Disney World all the time, so this is not really a crazy decision, but it is making me crazy. And, yes, I realize this is a lame problem. I should just go to Disney World and have the time of my life and shut up. I mean, I've been to Disney before, but this time I can't stop buying guide books:

If you've never read a Disney guide book, here's what you need to know: Disney guide books love to tell you -- gleefully -- that if you don't have a detailed plan for touring Disney World, your entire life is ruined and your child will hate you. After extensive reading, I am now convinced -- convinced -- that if we're not on the flying Dumbo ride within two seconds of the Magic Kingdom opening, we will all die.

Suddenly, everyone you know who has been to Disney World within the past few years becomes a goldmine of "tips." Everyone wants to share their tips with you, and everyone is dead serious about their Disney tips. My favorite tip so far came from another first-grade mother I ran into at a birthday party: "If you want to see Rapunzel, you get there before the park opens. As soon as they drop the rope (dramatic pause), you run like a bat outta hell."

Bat outta hell. Check.

When I chaperoned WCK's field trip to the nature center, I spent the bus ride grilling the 7-year-old next to me for more tips. She actually gave me a good one: If it's your birthday month (which it will be for WCK), let them know at the hotel, and then you get a button to wear. Excellent.

Sometimes you get "tips" from people, but you can tell these people did not have a Plan, and therefore their tips are lame. "Oh, we didn't go on Small World because there was a 90-minute wait." And you think back to your guide books and your Plan, and you chuckle to yourself in a superior way. A 90-minute wait for Small World? Not on my watch, sister.

I spent a couple of days having a breakdown because I couldn't figure out a good plan for Disney's Animal Kingdom. Jay says I am in charge of creating the Plan, so he wasn't too interested in hearing about my struggles. I do not want to badmouth my husband, but, my gosh, it's like he just didn't care whether we go to DinoLand first or Kilimanjaro Safari first. What is wrong with him? I know he still has some emotional damage from seeing the credit card bill, but still.

* Again, we were not.
** Yes, that was Jerry Seinfeld's advice to George about how to look at cleavage.


Anonymous said...

OK so you know posting this leaves you open to a million more "tips" from the peanut gallery. I have a million but painfully I will only share one. If you have an iPhone or a droid there is an app that tells you all of the wait times for all of the parks and it's rad. Oh and you HAVE to go to Harry Potter even if you don't care about it (I don't and it was soooo cool)! Kym

Anonymous said...

Great Blog -- I hope you won't be going to DW in the middle of summer, because I have always feared the following scenario (akin to Hell): 100 degrees and humid, and a ten thousand kids all having inconsolable meltdowns at the same time -- even as they are surrounded by Micky and his clan. You have been warned!!

Stephen Greene said...

They have concession stands where they sell cotton candy or gigantic turkey legs. It can be a hundred degrees in the shade, and those legs sell like chocolate ice cream.

So my tip is, don't by a turkey leg.

And have a blast!!

Lovey said...

Be sure to check Pat Killingsworth's MM Blog of a few days ago
as he wrote about a foundation that gives MM patients and their families some excellent benefits for DW.

Anonymous said...

The Animal Kingdom plan is to reserve the character breakfast (Goofy!) at the Tusker House. Decent food, fun characters, and you are in early. After you eat and take photos with all the characters you run like a bat out of hell for the Kilamanjaro safari ride. Then you're good to go. Don't miss the Lion King performance, it's really good.

Kathy from NJ said...

Lindsay Ferrier of Suburban Turmoil blog fame just returned from DW. Here's a link:

tim's wife said...

Ha! We just went at the end of January with almost my whole side of the family. Difficult at times, but great memories were made. My tips: definitely get the b-day button. We did that for my hubby and it was great fun(park employees pointed it out and folks clapped). He also got a free dessert when we stopped for lunch.I made him wear it on the plane on the way home, just to milk it for one more day. They offered him a free cocktail, which he unfortunately had to decline as he'd popped a motion sickness pill and didn't want to do the "birthday coma thing." They also announced it when we were getting off the plane, to another round of applause. Great fun. And as far as the animal kingdom goes. I have the same plan every time. See the lion king show first, and then I don't care what happens after that. LOVE that show!

Anonymous said...

We took our kidsC to Disney 20 years ago and I studied a guide for 3months before we went. Because of my OCD I wrote the suggested sequences on index cards which I carried in my Fannie pack (no they weren't cool back then either but in 100 degree weather I didn't care). They (4 males) all made fun of me until after the 3rd ride and they saw the lines (which we were avoiding thanks to mom). After every ride after they'd shout for me to get the cards out to see where to run to next. Happy memories....