Very, very rarely do I ever remind people that I have cancer so I can get special treatment. The closest I come to doing this is when I end particularly humiliating posts with the words, "You can't make fun of me. I have cancer." This time, I want to remind everyone of this fact right up front, and I want to remind people of this very frequently, because the temptation to make fun of me for what I'm about to share is going to be too much for some of you to bear. Then you'll feel all guilty for making fun of someone who has cancer, and, you know, I just don't want to put you through that. I'm only thinking of you.
So, The New Kids on the Block just came out with a new DVD filled with concert footage from the reunion tour as well as in-depth interviews.
(I'll pause here so you can fight the urge to make fun of me. It's about to get worse, and you'll need your strength.)
If you pre-ordered the DVD through the NKOTB web site (which, of course, I did, because I have cancer and nobody can make fun of me), you also got a free gift:
What is this? What is that funny little rectangle in the middle of the attractive cardboard display?
It's a tiny piece of cloth from one of their outfits.
That's right. I was actually a little disappointed that the cloth came in the little cardboard display, because there's no way to get it out without destroying the whole thing, and I kind of want to touch it. OK, I really want to touch it. (I have cancer, people! I have cancer!)
The DVD and The Cloth arrived in the mail on Thursday, which was perfect timing. Jay and WCK went to a Daddy-Daughter Dance on Friday, which meant I was home alone and free to watch my DVD and gaze lovingly at The Cloth without anyone (Jay, mainstream society) making fun of me.
About halfway through the DVD, I heard vague, ax-murderer-like thumping sounds outside, as I always do every time I'm home alone. My first thought was not that the ax murderer was going to kill me, but that
a) the ax murderer was going to burst in and catch me watching a New Kids on the Block DVD and make fun of me before killing me and
b) said killing would mean I'd never get to see the rest of the DVD, not to mention the Bonus Disc, which features a Q&A session from the official New Kids on the Block Cruise. ("If you could have any superpower, what would it be?" Jordan said he would be Elastic Man.)
But nobody broke in, and I finished the DVD and all of the bonus features, and the whole thing was glorious. Glorious, I say!
You can't make fun of me. I have cancer.