Here's what we did yesterday: WCK and I went to Target, and I let her pick out a new backpack for preschool. She spotted a Hannah Montana backpack and got all starry-eyed. She could not be swayed toward the backpacks adorned with Hello Kitty, Tinkerbell, or even Thomas the Train. She put the Hannah backpack on her shoulders and skipped all the way to the checkout line. About two seconds ago, my child weighed seven pounds and was spitting up on my shirt. Now she's wearing a backpack that proclaims, "Pop! Rock! Glam!"
Next, we went to pick out a video to rent for family movie night. We got -- of course -- the Hannah Montana concert video. The odd thing about WCK is that she doesn't want to watch the Hannah Montana TV show at all; she only wants to see Hannah sing. Boy, was she excited about the concert video. While we waited for Daddy to come home so we could all watch it (and, boy, was Daddy excited about the concert video!), WCK drew pictures of Hannah Montana and told me that she wants to be Hannah Montana. Not just for Halloween, either. She wants to be her, like, forever.
I think that concert video was the most exciting thing WCK had seen in her whole entire life. At the end, she got out her microphone and sang along with the big "Best of Both Worlds" finale. Twice.
During this whole Hannah Montana frenzy that unfolded at our house yesterday, I saw in the paper that Miley Cyrus had been pole-dancing in a skanky stripper outfit on TV. I realize that this happened about a week ago, but I'm very uncool and slow, so I just found out.
OK, crazy, outraged parents: Now I get it.
When your child is in looooove with Hannah Montana, and Miley Cyrus does something stupid, you take it personally. I know it's not rational, but I feel like Miley came over to our house, set up her stripper pole in our front yard, rang the doorbell, and then shook her booty right in front of my own four-year-old.
Granted, WCK has no idea that the pole-dancing incident took place. In fact, I don't even think she knows who Miley Cyrus is. Hannah Montana is always just Hannah Montana. Sometimes she is "the Hannah Montana with the brown hair". When I was WCK's age, I wanted to be Dorothy, and I had no idea that Judy Garland was a drug addict with five husbands. I don't think I realized this until I was about 25.
Also, the Miley defenders say she was not pole-dancing; she was using the pole for balance as she rode around on top of an ice-cream truck. (If you can't tell, I have read about 1,000 online articles about the pole-dancing incident.) If this is true, maybe Miley is a genius. The only thing stopping me from regularly riding around on ice-cream trucks is that there is no way to balance. Finally, a solution! Equip every ice-cream truck in the country with a stripper pole! Think of how great our lives would become!
Yes, I'm trying to look on the bright side, but I still feel betrayed. I'm going to sound like I'm 100 years old and extremely uncool, but I think that if you have little fans who see you like this:
.... you ought not to be doing this:
P.S. I have a question about the concert video, which was my first exposure to the Jonas Brothers. What is the deal with these guys? Do they all look like Screech from Saved by the Bell, or is it just me?