Sunday, August 10, 2008

The Headless Possum

I've noticed that the stores are now selling Halloween candy, so here is a scary story to kick off the season.

Friday after dinner, I was walking through the yard on the side of our house, and I saw ... a dead possum head.

Not a dead possum body.

Just. The. Head.

Live possums are pretty creepy. A dead possum body would be creepier still. A severed possum head staring up at me from the grass with little beady eyes was possibly the creepiest thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

All I could do was motion for Jay to come running and then point vaguely in the direction of The Head as I ran past it, herding WCK out of the yard before she could see it. I got the two of us safely inside, trusting that Jay would deal with The Head in a manly way.

Jay came inside and said that he'd dispose of The Head the next day when he mowed the lawn and could throw it in the big bag with the cut grass. For the next 24 hours, there was just a thin wall separating me and my family from The Head. And there were a lot of unanswered questions: Where was the body? How did The Head get there? Why was The Head looking at me in such an accusing way? Did The Head have the power to come to life in the night and attack me with its tiny needle-like teeth?

I think we all know the answer to that last one, especially around 4 a.m., is YES. ABSOLUTELY.

The next day, Jay went out to mow the lawn and put The Head to rest, and ...

The Head was gone.


Of course, we all know that this means I can never go out into the yard ever again in my entire life, out of fear of encountering The Head unexpectedly. Jay said he mowed the entire lawn and did not see it anywhere, but I think The Head is very stealthy. It's hiding somewhere out there, waiting for me to let my guard down and then .... RAAAAAAR! IT JUMPS OUT OF A TREE AND DOWN THE BACK OF MY SHIRT! MWA HA HA HA HA!!

WCK and I will just stay inside forever and become pasty albinos who can't bear to look at the sunlight. It'll be fine.


Anonymous said...

How can WCK attend school with her fun dough if you two "just stay inside forever and become pasty albinos"

Karen, I really enjoy your blog. It's just what I needed after the fiasco here today. - Jen

Diane, Nick, and Maren said...

Gross. I stepped on a dead possum once and it was unspeakably horrible.

I guess you could homeschool WCK now that you have the markers and fun dough. I bet the school is in a possum-free zone, though. Check the signs - drugs and dead animals are not allowed within 100 feet.

Jen said...

Ewww...I read this last night and was so disgusted that I couldn't even comment...and you know what? This morning? Still disgusting! I'd just move if I were you...

Anonymous said...

I just found that head today in my yard on long island. We went out to gather eggs from the chicken coop, and there in the lawn between me and the coop was the head.. I too wondered how it got there and where the rest of the possum had gotten off to???? Very strange. I have to keep my cat and dog in now for fear of what may be hunting in my yard late at night......