Some of you might disagree, but it turns out that I have a completely normal brain. Today I got a postcard in the mail with the results of my MRI. It said, "Normal brain scan." Woo!
After all I went through to get the MRI, though, a tiny little postcard with a scribbled note on it seems a little anti-climatic. I think the hospital should provide a service where someone comes and stands on your lawn holding a banner that says, "NORMAL BRAIN SCAN!!!" He/she could set up a CD player blasting "We Will Rock You" and encourage passing motorists to honk. There could be a variety of banners for every kind of test: I imagine "YOU ARE NOW CANCER-FREE!!" or "YOU'RE NOT GONNA DIE!!" would be very popular. They could even put a good spin on bad news. There could be a banner saying, "OK, SO YOUR M-SPIKE WENT UP A LITTLE. YOU'RE STILL ALIVE, AREN'T YOU? LET'S NOT FREAK OUT! WOO HOO!"
I know this would be a very popular service. I'd sign up for it.