Monday, August 07, 2006

Excuse me, sir. Is this the Delta house?

After much discussion, Jay and I decided that Warren Buffett could use some more money, so we ordered a new couch and loveseat from Nebraska Furniture Mart over the weekend. We've had our old set since before we got married, and it's all worn out and holy, and not in a blessed-by-a-priest kind of way. It's also had numerous, um, encounters with various baby body fluids. I won't go into more details just in case you've actually sat on our couch in the past. You might want to go take a shower now.

We ordered the optional stain-protection treatment for the new couch. That's $84 well spent, I say.

Side note: I did once own a couch that was even grosser than that one. I bought it from the Goodwill for my first apartment in college. Total price: $11. I spent weeks spraying it with various "odor neutralizers" and finally decided to keep it covered with a quilt at all times. I sold it at a yard sale two years later for $20. A profit deal.

Anyway. The new furniture arrives on Friday, so we had to figure out how to get the old stuff out of the way. Last night, we decided to haul the old couch out the front door, down the lawn, and through the back door into the basement. Once we squeezed it out the front door, we paused for a moment, thinking we should just leave the couch out on the lawn and pretend we live at a fraternity house. Jay and I would be the lowly pledges; WCB would order us around and whack us with paddles. That's pretty much how our household functions anyway, so why not add the convenience of an outdoor couch and throw in some booze?

In the end, we disbanded the frat and moved the couch into the basement. Not bad for someone whose bones could fall apart at any second. I felt like I should give my doctor a call. "Why do you need to do x-rays? I can carry a couch down my lawn." I mean, really, let's review:

Things I can lift:

1. Weights at strength-training class twice a week
2. A 20-pound child
3. A couch

X-rays, smex-rays. I think my frat brothers would agree.

1 comment:

Karen's sister said...

Wouldn't you know it? The city of Ames actually banned out-door couches a few years back. Something about a health hazard. Rats, or some such. Anyhoo, even with a war in Iraq and people starving around the world, the students really made a fuss! There were editorials in the newspaper and meetings with the city council. But needless to say, the couches are still banned.